Seeds for Thought: an Ecopsychology Blog

manifestations of the desire to tame

ONE
A beautiful, sunny, spring day. Elsie and I sit outside to listen to the breeding birds and the big bumblebees buzzing. Then ROAR. Our neighbour's lawn mower. Elsie cries at the intrusion.

TWO
"Is she good?" Countless, countless times I'm asked this question about Elsie. They mean does she cry. Yes, she expresses herself. We have managed to avoid teaching her to stuff her feelings down. We want her to know that we know that the only way she has of expressing herself (the difficult feelings) is through crying. And that is fine and good. She may cry due to hunger (although I try to feed her before she resorts to crying), but mainly she cries due to pent-up tensions relating to learning new things, seeing new places and people, becoming frustrated by her powerlessness and inability to do everything she wants to do. We get frustrated by those things too but instead of having a good cry about it, we tend to push our feelings down in a myriad of ways: eating, sleeping, smoking, drinking, TV, Internet, bitterness, cynicism, hurting others ... and more!

So, yes, she is very good. She was born that way. You are very good too. You just behave in not-so-good ways (as I do) because you've been hurt (as I have been) and these are your coping mechanisms (and mine).

random and rare, pt 2

yes
the last couple of months
have been much easier
energy-wise
and the development
WOW

this human's personality
her complete trust
love
zestful attitude

random and rare, pt 1?

some random thoughts in a rare free moment...

breastfeeding my daughter
apologies for poem like
no caps
version

she takes breaks
to look up at me and smile
no feeling like it in the world

Introducing Elsie Maribel...

Born Tuesday 21 October 2008 at home.

She's gorgeous.

More photos available.

Patience and Joy

I am now 26 weeks pregnant and have never been happier in my life. I think I write so little because I'm so busy just being with this baby, my partner, the whole joy of pregnancy. Those feel-good hormones really do kick in for the second trimester and it must be Nature's way of giving your baby the very best start possible. I love the kicking... The full-on contradiction of all of the in-my-headness that has plagued me since as long as I can remember. I'm up there, thinking, thinking, then all of a sudden: whack! "Oh hello, down there, Little-Human-Being!"

unschooling, pt 1

[Am assuming I'll be revisiting this several times, not least after I've read some more books, but also once NOT schooling becomes a real issue/choice... as the baby is a 20-week old fetus, we have some years to wait for that!]

Here are our 'gut instinct' reasons for not wanting to send our child to a school (and to go for unschooling rather than homeschooling, even):

• We believe that a child's true nature is to be free, have freedom, and not to be tied to a schedule, a seat, a classroom, a building – especially when there is so much outside to learn and explore. Especially through to age seven. Why should a child have to sit still and be quiet? It's a joy to be a child with all that energy, wonder, curiosity!
• We recognize the distinction between child-centered and child-led education (living, even). This is controversial and there are differences in definitions. But we think that making the child the center of the universe, in the sense that activities are created specifically for children, takes away from the natural order of things. If a child is exposed to lots of adults and their interests and activities, the child will become interested in certain ones and want to learn more about them. Of course, this assumes all the adults around aren't just sat at their computers! It requires attention to variety and exposure to many places and opportunities. (Granted, this isn't possible for lots of parents to offer, but, at this time, it is possible for us.) In the early years of a child's development, this would result in mimicry and play. As the child gets older, this would lead to learning from people and books and writing about things, discussing things, being creative, etc.

gender bias

"So, do you know if you're having a boy or a girl?"

"Do you have a preference: boy or a girl?"

These are common questions asked of parents-to-be, as you all probably know...

Our answers: We won't know until the baby slithers out. And we have no preference. These are probably answers you would expect from me... given my ecopsychology leanings... but they always make me think a bit more deeply.

We aren't having any scans, so won't have the opportunity to know the gender... Why no scans? Pema Chodron wrote a book entitled Comfortable with Uncertainty. And that's how we're trying to be: comfortable with uncertainty. There are so many areas in our lives that are uncertain, and so many people rush to feel secure (buying this or that) because they never established a basic level of security as babies... We're no different. But we desperately want to be. We want to be okay with not knowing if I'll have a job in August (when my contract is renewed). Not knowing when (if?) the economy will finally collapse. Not knowing when the best time would be to put up the yurt. And with Nature herself... Oh, the mysteries! Isn't it enough to just marvel that the caterpillar turns into a moth... with an intermediate stage of prehistoric slime in the cocoon? For some, yes. Why ask why? Sometimes just basking in the mystery is so good.

i want to have a baby

I wanted six children to match the six favourite names I had chosen: three girls and three boys. I imagined them as adults with interesting personalities and careers.

Then...

I wanted a daughter named Helen and I always used to imagine walking with her, hand in hand, down Solano Ave. on my way into uni.

Then...